From today's Desert Post Weekly . . .

Reprinted with a sort of implied permission

Can we still find peace and quiet in October?

If there's one thing The Rat has learned after years of living in the Coachella Valley, it's to really get out and enjoy the month of October. For us full-time desert rats this is the one window, when everyone else is in transition, that we can go out and enjoy the majestic desert as though it were all ours. Without getting scorched alive, I mean.

It's a great month. People are slowly starting to come out again, like the San Jacinto black bear after a winter's hibernation. We finally get a month with no holidays, major golf or tennis tournaments, or huge film and music festivals. The kids are back in school, and only a fraction of the snowbirds have nestled into their their winter resorts for the season.

But about those snowbirds. Not to get all statistical, but does it seem like the season's mode (occurring the most often) nesting point keeps occurring earlier and earlier?

Now don't get this rat wrong, he appreciates the added snowbird revenue as much as anyone else. Snowbird taxes help fund some of the things we take for granted here, like nice roads. Nice roads for the snowbirds to continuously clog up.

I mean seriously, 45 minutes from Palm Springs to LaQuinta? It's like 12 miles!



And that's just behind the wheel. Then once you get to your destination, count on waiting in line longer than you had to a month ago. I don't care if it's drinks at the Beer Hunter or toothpaste from Ralph's, (or beer flavored toothpaste from the novelty store), the lines definitely lengthen with the coming of fall. As a word to the wise, you may want to consider familiarizing yourself with those new "self-checkout" kiosks at grocery and department stores. If you can brave the modernized technology they will certainly cut down on your newly extended wait times.

But don't expect any brakes on the prices while you're there. Those also left with the 110 degree temps. The "summer specials" we full timers have come to enjoy won't be back for another nine months, so get used to it. But keep reading the Desert Post Weekly for coupons redeemable at your favorite stores.

The early snowbirds aren't all that might ruin The Rat's peaceful October, however. The other October-spoiler is kind of like a recurring summer hangover. Thankfully it only lasts a few days. And much like an actual hangover, it's usually accompanied by irritability and a splitting headache.

The Rat's talking about lawn scalping

That's right, scalping season is upon us, leaving many people irritable and downright irate about the ridiculous practice. Any day now we can start to expect an obscene amount of pollen, dust and mold to permeate our desert air, leaving tears, runny noses and headaches in its wake.

Despite the fact that we live in a desert, the people here like to see lush lawns in front of their homes, much like the lawns they're used to seeing in Washington or Minnesota or Canada for that matter. (This illegal immigrant problem is getting way out of hand.) But the same grass can't survive 110 degree temps in the summer and overnight lows of 40 degrees in the winter, so what's a lawn lover to do?

Act like an opportunist with an extra pair of Coachella tickets and start scalping. That means grind that summer Bermuda grass down to within an inch of the ground and start spreading the winter rye.

In the process, however, even the mildest of allergy sufferers come in to work in the morning looking like they were up all night watching Terms of Endearment. It's enough to make a grown rat cry. Or at least give the impression that he's been crying with his watery eyes and runny nose.

But there is a happy medium, and that is the turf lawn. Face it people, astroturf is the wave of the future! It requires no mowing, weed-wacking, and it won't give the kids grass stains on their new clothes. So come on people, why can't we all just get a lawn? A turf lawn that is. There's no sense crying over scalped grass.